Ah, time for a new post. I have to admit that I like this whole not-being-pressured to post something fast to keep everyone interested. Yeah, I dig writing this for me, myself and I. Is this what freedom feels like? Or maybe it's just loneliness. Ouch. I think I chose a funny day to post again, but yeah.. old habits die hard, and I figure I'll forget to post if I don't do it now that I actually have some time for it! Procastrination sucks, but only sometimes.
On my last entry I told you all about my new life philosophy.. well, I have a serious issue with overthinking things. Sometimes I think I do it on purpose, as some wicked way of sabotaging myself. lol that makes me sound like I have a puddle of issues lol Well, the case is that I'm not used to this not-thinking thing, tho I reckon I'm bolder than before! I just.. am not 100% happy with the no commitment thing and I don't know how to say I'm not. Cause I don't want to ruin what I have right now. And there comes the dilemma: should I pretend everything's ok and enjoy the last moments with him? Or should I tell him the truth and possibly be rejected cause he doesn't think we could go back to being in a serious relationship? Gah. Love sucks. It sucks when you don't have it, and when do it sucks too (tho not as bad! lol) cause then you're afraid of doing something wrong and losing your significant other forever. And then comes my lifetime fear of ending up alone. I seriously don't want that and I fight against it in any way I can. But at the age of 23 I already feel like I've lost too many battles. Isn't that ridiculous? I secretely envy my friends cause they managed to have long-lasting relationships (and I'm talking years), when my ones haven't been over 7 months. I know lenght doesn't mean anything, but.. is still feels bad on my side. Like there's something wrong with me that bores the guys I date. Now, THAT sounded pathetic lol
I think I should stop before all guys start pointing me like the girl who writes pathetic blogs about her fear of living a lonely life lol
1 comment:
ohw god its like i read myself!!!
First off write for yourself me posting here does not mean should have to update...do it if you want and dont do it if you dont feel like it!!!
love sucks??? ive said it for years but everyone told me to not be cynical! i feel ya sis and i must say thumbs up for you and how you handle the puddle of issues hahahaha!!!
i love ya and hope to keep in touch more by mail in 2009! btw happy new year!
hugsss from overseas!
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